FAQFanfic: Megaman 1
by PurrfectTrio
Summary: This basically a video game guide of the first Megaman through Megaman's own words. Contains some stereotypical humor and foul language
1. Chapter 0: Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own Megaman whatsoever. Capcom does.

Introduction

The year is 20XX A.D. and all is well. Dr. Thomas Light and his partner Dr. Albert Wily have created eight robots:

Rock Serial #001

Roll Serial #002

Cutman Serial #003

Gutsman Serial #004

Iceman Serial #005

Bombman Serial #006

Fireman Serial #007

Elecman Serial #008

These 8 robots have been created to help humanity but one day Dr. Wily had the urge to seek world domination and reprogrammed the latter 6 robots and turned them loose to create destruction on the world. Dr. Light didn't know what to do so Rock suggested that he be made into a fighter robot, and thus Megaman was born.

Fight on Megaman. Fight for peace and for freedom. 


	2. Chapter 1: The beginning

After the Doc fixed me up, I opened my eyes and boy do I look cool or what. Then after I finished getting myself psyched up, Dr. Light gave me a briefing on the situation at hand. That no good Dr. Wily corrupted six of my brethren and now its up to me to stop them. Now before I handle Dr. Wily himself, I have to choose which of these robots I have to take out first.

Let's see, an analysis of Cutman's area looks like he has taken over the slums in Mexico. Gutsman has taken control of the construction zone nearby in Canada. Iceman is hiding his face somewhere in the Himalayas, Bombman is located somewhere in the US, Fireman seems to be somewhere in Germany, taking over their oil refineries and last but not least, Elecman is somewhere in the USSR terrorizing the energy plant. I know at this point I only got my Arm Cannon. Elecman and Iceman, can fuck me up easily at this point, Bombman and Fireman will provide a bit of a challenge and that leaves only two robots, Cutman and Gutsman. I asked Dr. Light to flip a coin to determine which of the two to fight first and it came out Tails and therefeore, Gutsman is the first one I take on. 


	3. Chapter 2: Caught btween rock n hard pl

Before going to Canada to face Gutsman, Dr. Light said that my very first mission is going to be a tough one as Gutsman is a big robot. But honestly, I think he's a big pile of shit. Once I teleported to the area, I'm confronted by these three little robots wearing hard hats to block my bullets. I was lucky to get out of the way before their bullets nailed me as they fired as they lifted their hats. I counted one, two, three and shot three of my own bullets and took them out. Whew! As I ran further, I noticed a huge pit with nothing to land on and I was thinking that I am in deep doodoo till some platform came to me and as I rode it, it reach a narrow section and I began to fall. But luckily, I landed on another platform and thought "OH MY SHIT, I could have been a goner." As this platform reached narrow pieces, I hopped up high enough to land back on it as it reverted and soon I was back on dry land. I got on my knees and kissed that very soil.

No time to rest, I had to get through Bunbi Heris and one of them little buggers crashed into me and took some of my energy out. Fortunaly a refiller was nearby. I wasn't through yet as a construction worker named Pickelman came up and threw pick axes at me. WTF? is this dude crazy. I kept firing as I rushed towards him. Each pickaxe sailed over me and at point blank I capped him dead in the face and got rid of him. Luckily, I'm a robot so as long as there is something to land on, I can leap down high places without getting hurt as long as they're not spikes. After fighting my way down, I come across some big machine called a BigEye. OMG! This dude trying to stomp me. I waited till he jumped high enough for me to run under him and made a break for the gate and got in just in time. After killing the Metalls, I came head to head with Gutsman.

I guess I was right he is a big piece of shit. Let's see what this Buster of mine can do. "Well if it isn't Megaman, said Gutsman. I'm going to crush you flat." I responded "Not even in your dreams you fat fuck." We fought and I shot my mouth out to much as he stomped the ground and made me fall on my ass a lot and even through these rocks. I got in my licks to but I was in trouble till I managed to get a clean shot in his mouth and he staggers and I gave one more shot on his forehead and he blew up. All of a sudden I had a new weapon, a Super Arm. Now I can heave rocks. Seeing how Rock beats Scissors. I'll take out Cutman next. Megaman out. teleports out 


	4. Chapter3: Cut down to size

OK, here I am in Mexico. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriba!

Just great, the Bunbi Heris have followed me to this place. Now problem, they're no match for my Buster Shots. Take this, take that, take this and that. After I got through them, I had to deal with some new enemies called Beaks. Now these dudes stay on the wall and shoot for shots at a time. After avoiding the dozens of shots behind a rock block, I timed my shots to nail them suckers the moment they opened up and climbed my way to the top. AIEEEE, some big Pacman looking pair of scissors just nicked me and that machine is spewing out more. I made a mad dash ahead and thank goodness, I got away.

After resting up a bit, I moved on and I see we got illegal French immigrants in Mexico as I just took out a couple frogs that hopped at me to attack. After them, I face bunch of wierd enemies that look like crosses with eyes in the middle. My database says they are called Suzies. Time to put the Super Arm to the test. I lifted one block and whoa shit, I'm strong as an ox with this Super Arm. Every Suzy I face, I thre lots of rocks at them as I climbed. At the top, I saw another Scissor Machine and darted past it. After fighting through more Bunbi Heris, Metalls that shoot 8-way bullets and I came face to face with another Big Eye. This time I had leverage and blasted him everytime he lept into the air as I stood on high ground and beat him. I entered the gate, killed some Screwdrivers and now here comes Cutman, and I hope this Jaken shit applies to real life as I turned on my Super Arm power before entering the gate that leads to him.

"Megaman, I'm going to cut you down to size." said Cutman. "Hmmmph! If Jaken words apply to real life you'll be crushed." I told him. Cutman got mad and was throwing Rolling Cutters like crazy and I bobbed and weaved each one. I lifted up a rock and I said "Hey Cutman, your cutters seem to roll, but sorry I prefer to rock instead." I threw a rock at him and direct hit. He was hurt so bad, he didn't know what hit him. He made one more lunge at me and I said goodnight and threw the other rock and killed his ass. My new weapon is the Rolling Cutter. With this, I can throw Cutters like they're boomerangs. Now let's thing logic right here. Common sense tells me that Bombs would have worked on Gutsman if I had them, Fire blows up Bombman, it don't take a genious to know ice beats fire and electricity beats ice. So odd man out, Elecman shall be my next target. Megaman out. teleports out 


	5. Chapter 4: High Voltage

U.S.S.R. is one big ass country. Before coming here, Dr. Light told me that Ihad to come in on foot since there is signal interference. I had tried to speak to some people about the location of the tower and unfortunately for me, these Soviets speak Russian and therefore I'm better off speaking to the Tazmanian Devil from Looney Toons. All these people ever say are dsethreppt dseds drts sefgs ka vodka wefsf svzx thrptttttt. Forturnately for me I found the tower and that shit is huge. I better get started. I entered and got to work.

Upon entering, there are Gabyoalls blocking my way to the ladder above. It seemed that everytime I got level with these little buggers, they'd speed up and I tried shooting them and all it does is shut them down momentarily before they started moving again. I decided to see what the Rolling Cutters can do on them and this thing worked like a charm. I took out the Gabyoalls and climbed up the ladders. On the third floor, I took out two more Gabyoalls and these electric zappers started coming out some of the sides of the walls. I waited for them to blink off and climbed up another ladder and these double-eyed robots tried to zap me but I manage to avoid the bolts and blast some while the others retreated.

Oh boy this seems complicated, I see a bunch of blocks coming out of walls and going back in. Something tells me I'll need them to get through. I studied the pattern and here is how it looks as far as how they come out and where I need to step on them

4 3 2 1

I made it to the ladder and climbed up some more and got to another block area but it was easy this time as they came out like this in order

4 3 2 1

and another climb. Boy, I'm sick and tired of all this climbing. I finally made it to a horizontal area but it turned into a few blocks over a bottomless pit. I carefully got across and reached another ladder. Fuck! More climbing. I reached a fork in the road. Should I go right and get past more electric bolts or go left and deal with Gabyoalls. I chose left and got out my rolling cutters. There was a weak block ahead of me. I used the Super Arm to throw it and found another one. I kept throwing them till I found an item called the Magnet Beam. With this I can make platforms in midair and stand on them momentarily. Another climb up and oh great those frogs are back. Ha! They just jumped over my head and fell down hard.  
Another horizontal area followed by a big climb and I swear there electric bolts are out to get me. A Big Eye waited for me at the top which I hope is the top but I stayed on the ladder and he hopped right over me like the frogs did earlier. I entered the gate. More climbing? FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! I carefully got past these last bolts and I reached the top. Adrian! I did it! I'm on top of the world. I had no time to rest as Elecman busted into the room.

He said "Did you enjoy your climb Megaman? I don't mind sending you back down."

"Anyone tell you that Halloween is over? Lose the superhero costume." I replied.

"Oooooh! I'll make you eat those words Megaman" shouted Elecman

This guy's too fast for me. Everytime I tried to blast him he hopped away and that Thunder Beam hurt big time. He had me in his grasp and said "You will not die but you will be destroyed" he said as he started sending 1000s through my body. I thought this was it for me but his arrogant ass let me go.

"how does it feel Megaman" he taunted as he tortured me some more. "Now Megaman, you will die."

I knew I was a goner if I let him zap me once more so I decided to do some cheating of my own. I armed a Rolling Cutter and threw it at him and he dodge but his dumbass forgot that it worked like a boomerang and nailed him as soon as he was getting ready to zap me once more and the moment it hit him, it was starting to cut through him and I did a pseudoteleport to add more damage to the cutter. And before I did it one more time I said, "Halloween may be over so I'll destroy and say Merry Christmas you dumb Ho Ho Hoe." and pseudoteleported and Elecman went boom.

Whew! That dude was tough. I need a fucking rest after this one. So I laid down and relaxed and pondered my next target. According to my logic earlier, Iceman is the newest foe to go after. Its good to be a robot otherwise I'd have to dress up like an Eskimo. Megaman out teleports out 


	6. Chapter 5: Slip n Freeze

I've just arrived in Tibet where the Himalayas are. This place is of course slippery so I better be careful about my footing. Here's a new enemy named Crazy Razy, I shot him in the body and his top half came at me. I swear this dude is related to those Bunbi Heris, I hopped over it, and luckily I didn't fall on my ass and I shot him dead. I faced a couple more Crazy Razies and this time I shot them in the head and took them out easily. 

Next I came across some water and took a dip inside and as a robot, I don't have to worry about breathing. All of a sudden a Gabyoall was coming at me at high speed. I hopped over it and landed on a higher step but it was the least of my worries as a bunch of Wave Missiles kept coming at me. I call them that since they move in a wave pattern. I moved carefully and waited for them to go into their upward motion and dropped down and killed a couple Suzies. I'm still at full health so that life-up is not necessary, thus I jumped down again. Great more of those blocks that I faced in Elecman's area. I used my Rolling Cutter on the Gabyoall in case I fuck up for enkeshyt purpose. Notice I said enkeshyt instead of insurance since if you look it up in the dictionary, insurance is actions you take in case shit happens. The pattern looked like this

--7

----6

--5

-----4

2 ------3

--1

I jumped on 1, waited, jumped on 3 before 1 disappeared, waited, jumped on 5 before 3 disappeared, then 6, 7, and to the left and dropped down. More blocks? No way am I gonna do this whole shit. I took out the Gabyoall here with Rolling Cutter and took my Magnet Beam and went all the way right and after the first three blocks, I made a platform and jumped on it and off to the right. That is one deep pit, I was getting ready to use the foot holders then those sons of bitches shot at me and I said "Fuck ya'll" and made several Magnet Beams and recharged the Magnet Beam on the wall in the middle of way and used more Magnet Beam and was safely across. I dropped down. Hold the phone. Was that an extra "me" up there? I don't have to worry about dying at all since I'm too damn good but it's a good collection to have. I tried to climb up there with the Magnet Beam but when I reach the top, everything went sky bluish and I found myself falling through the floor below without breaking it. When I landed, I noticed that I saved myself from fighting a Bigeye. "So long sucker." I said. I opened the gate and this time I hopped over the wave missiles as they were dipping downward and reached the gate to Iceman.

Freeze Bitch! said Iceman.

I armed my Thunder Beam and said "Who you calling a bitch? Don't expect me to sing U-N-I-T-Y. Queen Latifah stinks."

I agree with ya there but I must kill you said Iceman

Bring in on, Eskimo Boy. I replied.

Ice Man threw Ice wedges at me in this pattern.

High, Mid, Low, Low, Mid, High

Is this all that guy ever does? Give me a fucking break. I could stand still and avoid the first two and jump over the low ones as long as I hugged the wall. I zapped him three times and he was gone. Some fight that was. I didn't work up a sweat. With him gone, even a Caveman knows that I'm going to go after Fireman now so without further ado. Megaman out. teleports out


	7. Chapter 6: Burning in Hell

This is a hot place to be working in especially in Germany. Upon entering I saw Screwdrivers above below and in front of me so I took my Thunder Beam and took advantage of its 3-directional effect and destroyed them as I climbed up then ran right and climbed back down. Those fire pillars are dangerous so I used my Ice Slasher to freeze them. I took out a couple Changkeys and came across fire beams similar to the electric beams I faced in Elecman's area. i timed my movements and got past them. Once I made my way down and again, I fought through more ChangKeys and more fire pillars till I climbed the later. My next obstacle was some sort of fire factory as fireballs were moving through chutes. Fireman must think I'm a fucking idiot. I used a Magnet Beam and avoided all that mess and climbed the later. I headed right then climbed down. Being wary of the Gabyoalls, I face what I thought were Wave Missiles but when I shot one, it blew me into the wall so that makes them Wave Bombs. I then decided to treat them like I did the Wave Missiles and ran past them on their decent. I made a mad dash to the gate and barely missed the fire pillar. I killed the screwdrivers on route to Fireman.

Hot diggity dog, Megaman. said Fireman I never thought you'd get this far.

I said, well I almost didn't but thanks to a weapon I got I made it and that same weapon is gonna beat you.

Fireman threw fireballs that were about his size and I hopped over one but it left a flame underneath and I landed on it and I said "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOW" HOT! HOT! HOT! I used Ice Slasher on my feet and Fireman laughed hard. Big mistake on his part as I put out his fire with a couple shots of Ice Slasher and he tried to retreat, I fired one Ice Slasher and hit him in the back and he was done for. I was so happy I won, I sang a song.

Speak no evil Don't you see no evil Don't you play no evil down on meeeeee You gonna burn in hell

Only one more guy left. Bombman here I come. Megaman out teleports out 


	8. Chapter 7: Blown to bits

Last but not least, the US of A. Soon as I arrived...just great, first they came to Mexico, then Russia, and now here. Why don't they stay in France where they belong. I eliminated a slew of frogs with the Fire Storm I got from Fireman which not only fires a fireball but a flame surrounds me to. All of a sudden these wierd football shaped objects came out the pits and split into four pieces at the peak of their ascent. One piece landed near my feet. That was close. I noticed a safe spot which is the wall next to where they emerge from and each time I reached that type of wall, I ducked in. These screwdrivers are no match for my Thunder Beam. They all fell in a couple shots.

I climbed a ladder and Beaks were all over but once again Thunder Beam saved my ass. I love this weapon kisses gun arm I climbed anoter ladder and as I moved ahead a dude named Sniper Joe appeared. His shield deflected all my shots and his shots were hard to dodge. I figured if I freeze him then, I can avoid him. I used Ice Slasher and it didn't seem to work but when he began to fire at me, he froze up and I shot his ass to death. The Wave Bombs returned and the beaks were hiding on the walls. I got past three Gabyoalls and avoided a Wave Bomb. Once I climbed to the top, these brand of Mettaurs I faced in Cutman's staged return. I saw and extra "me" and a Sniper Joe. Who gives a fuck about the extra "me" I let it go and dropped down. Another Sniper Joe guarded the gate to Bombman. I froze him and defeated him and entered. It's a long way down. I used Thunder Beam on the Suzies and dropped all the way down. "GEEEEEERONIMOOOOOOOO! I landed in an area and the gate above closed.

Hey there Megaman, Time to have a blast. Bombman said upon entering.

You won't beat me. After all I am the bomb. I replied

You wish, he shot back.

He hopped around like a madman and just threw bombs that had an inch radius. I took my Fire Storm and scorched the top of his head. I'm so glad I got Fire Storm. Since he is a Bomb and his hair acts like a fuse, it wasn't a matter a time before he blew himself up so I danced around till then.

It wasn't till he was about to blow up when he said. "Ahh My Hair" "Ahh My Hair" " My Hair" "My Hair"

To mock Eazy E's ending quote in Boy's In the Hood (remix)... I said "Yeah I kicked a little ass but this blast was your last, motherfucker."

He stumbled and blew up. That's all the robots now it's Wily's turn. Look out Wily. Here I come. Megaman out. teleports out 


	9. Chapter 8: Wily's Fortress Section 1

phone rings  
Light: Hello Dr. Light speaking Me: Eh! What up Doc? I'm at the spot now, man. I took out 6 of my brethren to get this far.  
Light: Good job, Megaman! You got 4 areas to infiltrate before you confront Wily Me: No problemo, Doc. I'll handle this shit right now Light: Good luck, Megaman. Show no mercy!  
Me: Oh for sure. Peace out turns off communicator

As I began my journey, these Big Eyes came at me. With my Ice Slasher, I froze them the moment they jumped high enough and got past them all. I next used my Super Arm to toss away bricks in my way. There were three fire pillars which where no match for my Ice Slasher so I froze them for leverage to the ladder, I climbed up a few ways and those dumb frogs tried to jump at the top of one of the ladders. "Fire Storm!" I just roasted them suckers. I made it to the right and used Super Arm to move the blocks below me and worked my way down. Hell no am I trusting no foot holders, I used long Magnet Beam to clear the spikes and climbed the ladder.

Damn I need to get up there, oh duh I still got Magnet Beams, I tried to use the Magnet Beam at the peak of my jump but it was too high to reach so I made it low enough to jump on and climb to the top. Shit, I gotta do it again to reach the ladder which I did. I went to the right and the room seemed empty and from nowhere some blob hit me and the back and knocked me down. All right whoever did that is dead. More pieces came in and I was lucky enough to dodge some and took a lot of damage. I armed Thunder Beam and as the blobs finished attacking, they formed into one big monster. An eye opened and it fired a shot that barely missed but the blocks came at me again and on the brink of death I said "fuck it, I'm cheating." I waited for it to form again and this time I fired a Thunder Beam at its eye and performed a rapid-pseudoteleport and killed him with that. I know cheating is wrong but one must cheat to live too you know. I took a little time to recharge and was off to the 2nd area. Megaman out teleports out 


	10. Chapter 9: Wily's Fortress Section 2

Bunbi Heris already? I easily dispatched them and...Fuck, thought I beat this guy already. Here I am face to face with Cutman again. I didn't have any rocks to heave at him this time so I relied on regular shots. It was a little tough battle but I hung in there and destroyed him again. The next part featured a lot of Screwdrivers, but my trusted Thunder Beam should be enough to handle them. Once they were gone, I dropped down and it was just my luck that I'd fight Elecman again. After that last fight which almost killed my ass, I took no chances and threw my Rolling Citters at him and his Thunder Beam went over my head as he desparately tried to shock me and that was his downfall as I hit him once more and he was gone. I didn't have to cheat this time

In this next section, the split bombs returned but I had lower platforms for cover, I made a break for it and use Thunder Beam on the Suzies and Beaks as I made my way down, my next opponent was...ME? What the sam fuck his going on? Whatever weapon I chose, he chose. It was a fierce battle then I got an idea to use bombs, since there is a delay in explosion, we each threw bombs and I avoided his bomb and stuck around mine as he always tried to follow me throughout the battle. He got blown to bits while i took no damage since my weapons can't harm me if I throw them.

Second part of Dr. WIly's Castle has been cleared. On to the 3rd area. Megaman out teleports out 


	11. Chapter 10: Wily's Fortress Section 3

I got no competition whatsoever, I just took out my Thunder Beam and just killed everyone on sight as I just made my way down the section. Once I got to the bottom, all seemed call then I heard some kind of rumbling. I readied my Arm Cannon for whatever may come and out of nowhere, I'm blindsided by this big rush of water, it dragged me down the stream and I had no choice to go with the flow. The Wave Missles and Wave Bombs came at me at light speed but I was able to hop over each one till the end of the trail. I shook myself off and came across the room with 4 blocks. All of a sudden, machines rapped in a bubble started coming at me and moved around in a circle and shot many bubbles at me. I managed to kill three of them quickly but for each one I destroyed, another come came out faster. I thought the fourth bubble machine would have crushed me for sure but my reflexes kicked in and I accidently threw a block at it with my Super Arm and got rid of it. I decided to take advantage and use it for the next bubble machines. Once I heaved the last block, the last bubble machine was gone.

Three down one more to. OK Wily, it's on. All bets are off. Megaman out teleports out 


	12. Chapter 11: Wily's Fortress Section 4

The double-eyed Zappers wasted no time in showing up and trying to shoot bolts at me, I avoided the onslaught and used Fire Storm on the ones closeby. I took out a few Screwdrivers and came across this moving platform that I though I wouldn't have to deal with after the Gutsman mission, even worse is a bed of spikes below and a long ass stretch of narrow field. I got to the ladder safely and I noticed a Yashichi far ahead, I hung onto the ladder at the end of the other side and waited for the platforms return and picked up to replish all my weapons and life and then I made it back to the top and entered the teleporter.

Shit! I had to fight 4 other bosses all over again, one at a time so I just handled the first three like before and when I got to Gutsman I decided to blow him up with the Hyper Bombs and all that stood between me and Dr. Wily was just a simple jog ahead. Now I'm face to face with Wily finally.

"Ahh Megaman, so we finally get to do battle." Said Wily.

I replied, "I don't care about the length of the trip as long as I kick the snot out your ass.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wily laughed "I wouldn't count on it."

I armed Fire Storm for the fight and I decided to trade hits with him. As I fired a fireball, the barrier circled me as I got in close, I took a few hits but if I was to die, I was taking him with me. Soon it seemed like he was defeated, but he sprang to life again in a new machine that shot circular balls that spiraled, I barely avoided the shot and fought back with Thunder Beam. Sorry but I had to cheat on this one, I pseudoteleported at rapid succession in combination with my Thunder Beam until he was defeated.

Wily cried. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THIS CAN'T BE! I'll be back Megaman, and I will destroy you with my very own creations. Just you wait." escapes

Fuck, he got away but no worries, if he shows his face again. I defeat him for the name of justice. Nothing left to do here but head on home. Megaman out. teleports out 


	13. Chapter 12: Epilogue

After Wily was defeated, I decided not to teleport home immediately, I instead teleported to a nearby field so I can jog on home. It was a long run and I decided that I did not to wear my armor for the time being and I looked like a normal boy again. I soon made it home.

"DR. LIGHT! ROLL! I'M HOME! HAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAW!" I yelled along with a Ricky Ricardo laugh.

"Megaman, you're home!" said Roll as she hugged me.

"I see you did well Megaman. Congrats on your first real mission." said Dr. Light. I guess you can rest now.

I said "indeed, I'm going to sit down and watch football."

As the game came on, Roll came in and asked "Would you like any refreshments, Megaman?"

I answered "Yeah! Where's fucking my beer? Since you a housekeeping robot. March your ass over and get it."

Roll growled and walked off and three minutes later, she had came in with a punch bowl full of beer and dumped it on me. "Well, Megaman I guess the drinks are on you. Hmph!"

I snapped back. "Bitch, is you crazy! You're dead." I chased Roll and that's how the story concludes. 


End file.
